Rollin’ in the Deep

Ever had a moment when you thought you might be in too deep, in over your head…?

You will not catch The Pup singing this tune due to my most recent date, I can assure you:

Back story: Last fall around 2:00a I was at a traffic light after a night out on the town with friends. A cab pulled up beside my car and the guy in the back of the cab (our windows were open, it was nice out) was like “Hey, hey, where are you going?” I had seen him at the bar we had just left. I looked at him, grinned, and said “Home, where every good girl goes.” I pulled through the light and noticed that the cab had changed lanes and was now behind me. (Um, strange, but whatever) I made a right, the cab made a right. I turned into my friends’ driveway and the cab kept going. (Shew, that was weird)

As me and my, now engaged bestie, got out of the car the cab pulls up  at the street. (Oh Crap) I tell my friend I’ll go deal with it and walk down to the mailbox (I honestly don’t know why I thought I should greet him down there, poor decision. very poor). The guy who had stopped at the light with me gets out of the car, NOT sober. I politely asked if he needed something, he told me that he just  had to get my number. I (i’m embarrassed to tell you this) flattered, laughed and said that his behavior was unorthodox… blah blah blah. I got his name, he asked mine, though he did not retain it. He asked for my number. I asked him “If I give you my number, will you go home now?” He agreed. But to get someone’s number when you’re NOT sober it’s a good idea to have your phone handy. He couldn’t find it. It took us a minute to find it, we did. I called my phone from his. About the time I’m putting him back in the car (only like a 2 min time has elapsed, at this point), the friends who live in the house that we are at drive in. All the windows are up, but I hear “NOOOOOOOOO!!!” collectively from the car. Very puzzled, I walk up the driveway as they are climbing out of the car (with bags of mcdonalds in tow). Oldest bestie and Blondie bestie immediately name the guy at the end of the driveway and encourage me NOT to even entertain a conversation with this fella.

But… their reaction begs the question- “Why were they sooooo insistent?” The next day we discussed this fella and their knowledge of him. They really didn’t have much to say, other than they had hung out with him once, hadn’t been too impressed, and that it was INCREDIBLY creepy that he had followed me home (true statement, and I should have taken this more seriously). He texted or called the next day, we chatted for a second, he asked my name (again),we actually made a few more friend connections.

Over the next few months he tried to take me out, but I bailed due to a number of genuine conflicts…

Recently we saw each other again and we began casually texting. He asked if I wanted to grab a drink… I half heartedly agreed on three occasions and bailed each time. Finally, he caught me on a night I didn’t have a good excuse and I felt bad to having said “No” so many times, I agreed to meet him for a drink later that evening.

Very, very bad. I had some hopes. I thought since he had been persistent this might just mean he was aching to be a wonderful guy… WRONG. We decided to meet at a local bar around 11:45p (again, another bad idea, what does momma say “nothing good happens after 10p” … she was right this time). I sit outside and wait for him to get there, he walks up and says, “You didn’t get us a table?” I immediately said, “Oh, I’m sorry. Didn’t know if you wanted to sit inside or out.” He says, “Out. Definitely.” I’m thinking, “great, so nice to see you, too. No, it was no problem meeting you out tonight, thanks for asking.” He walks off and grabs and table from a loitering woman and proceeds to tell me that “She’s drunk and she said she didn’t want the table.”

So we sit down and wait for a waitress, he goes to get one because it’s taking too long, according to him. He threw a pack of Marlboros and a lighter on the table, asked if I wanted one. I declined and he said with a grin, “Yeah, I didn’t think you’d be a smoker…” and proceeded to light the first one up, without asking if I minded (and to be sure, I would have said I didn’t mind, if he had bothered to ask out of courtesy).

I could give you a slew of details on why this date went poorly, but I’m just going to highlight this event with quotes….

The following quote was the first question out of his mouth after we ordered our drinks. We had never had a get-to-know-you conversation before. He knew nothing about me.

Him: “Now, I’m real confused. I didn’t know your last name was _____.”

Me, smiling: “Well, it is.”

Him: “I looked you up on facebook back when we met the first time and I’m pretty sure it started with an “M.” Whatja do, get divorced or something.”

Me, embarrassed and feeling awkward with the way he was approaching it: “Well, actually, yes.”

Him, smoking: “Nuh uh!”

Me, lips pursed: “Yep.”

Him, grinning and smoking: “No way! What’d he do, cheat on you or something?”

Me, very embarrassed and even MORE awkward, eyes rolling: “Well, actually, yes.”

Him, laughing and still smoking: “Was it your best friend?” “Did he work with her.”

Me, very annoyed, ready to end all the honesty: “Yeah, well, I’m glad it’s over.”

He dropped it and didn’t bring it up again, but it was a very rocky start. Very Rocky. I was offended and had to seriously watch my facial expressions so he didn’t know I was totally put out.

A few minutes later I asked him where else he hung out, other than the one preppy place I usually see him. He responded chuckling, “well, I don’t really go too many other places, cuz I don’t really do diversity.”

I’m sorry… WHAT? Did he just say that out loud? I laughed, hoping it have been a joke and asked what he meant by “I don’t DO diversity.” He responded that he wasn’t really into “Blacks, Metros, Gays, or Hipsters.” He said it not like he was making a real statement, but kinda like, “yeah, ya know, it’s my preference.” He followed up with, “I mean, I can have conversations with them, I just don’t have close friends like them.” I’m pretty sure my eyes were bulging out of my head. He asked where I hung out and I said, “It’s funny,  cause I make a point to go other places looking for diversity, not just the same old stodgy crowd.” He nodded… and smoked… and kinda raised his eyebrows.

Great. Just GREAT. I was pretty sure this was heading into my possible worst date ever category. Thank goodness I’m learning what to look for.

The Pup came up and he asked me what kind of dog she was. I responded the way I usually do, very proud and annoyingly smiley, “An adorable one. I got her from the SPCA, not really sure what kinda she is, but she’s the best.” I whipped out my phone, began checking Facebook because I was bored and scrolled through my photos to find a cute one of her. Now, if you know me at all, you know that The Pup is pretty much the sparkle of my eye, tread carefully on criticisms of her, especially her adorableness. I spun the phone around to show him the cute picture… His immediate response, “Well, she is a MUTT ain’t she.”

Need I say more?

He made a few comments about my Oldest and Blond besties that did not work on his behalf. He said, “The good news for you is that I did not sleep with your friend.” Pardon me, but I’m pretty sure that much better news for HER! She would have NEVER slept with him. Give me a break.

We finally wrapped up our evening a LONG two hours later (two drinks for me, four drinks and constant cigarettes for him). I pushed a smile and told him I was tired. He proceeded to ask me if I’d “come back to his place, and have a drink on the porch… or something.” My response, “Seriously?!” He said, “sure, the night is young (it was 2:00a).” I declined, said I would be going home. He does not take a hint and says, “What are you going to do there?” Me, “Sleep, with my dog.”

He kindly walked me to my car and said he should do “it” again sometime.

I literally waited for him to get far enough away from my car to shut the door and scream out loud. NEVER. I would NEVER be doing “it” again with him. No thank you.

Dear R,

I actually look for diversity. I look for a gentleman. I look for manners, not overly mannerly, but appropriately so. I look for INDOOR dog lovers. I look for charmers….

Love always, G and The Pup

Oh so very charmed…

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